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Problems
Out for a stroll chanced upon the devil
I said whaddayou know the original rebel
Have to say he'd seen better days
Nodded to me slowly and adjusted his shades
Everyone knows that I'm a collector
Billions of souls not counting defectors
Business is booming but it's wearing me out
Thinking bout letting go cause what's it all about
All I hear are gripes and complaints
It ain't what they got just what they ain't
The fuel bill for the lake of fire
It never goes down only keeps going higher
Struck a match with his thumbnail
Arched one eyebrow and twitched his forked tail
I'll spruce things up then get out from under
There's got to be something more than pillage and plunder
(chorus)
It don't matter If you come from money
It don't matter if you're a star
It don't matter if you're a king
Yer gonna have problems no matter who you are
Met Jesus shuffling on water
Muttering something all about his father
Met Jesus chugging some wine
Telling me he felt at the end of the line
Said, i'm so tired of being perfect
I'm so tired of being so strict
Gonna cut my hair and try a new style
I'm gonna ditch these funky sandals and run a little wild
See, heaven ain't cool and heaven ain't fun
The suicide bombers are demanding refunds
All the saints curry special favours
And I'm up to my eyeballs in hungry alligators
Betrayed by Judas nailed to a cross
Like everybody knows I'm not the real boss
I wanna take my name in vain
Cause no one listens to a goddamn thing I say
(chorus - swapping king for queen)
It don't matter If you come from money
It don't matter if you're a star
It don't matter if you're a queen
Yer gonna have problems no matter who you are
Got together over a coffee
The hellion holy one and little ol me
Try a merger and work together
You're competing for souls but this would be better
Fresh blood some new ideas
Hard work not a panacea
Heaven or hell with nothing in between
What folks want is a taste of both scenes
(Chorus swapping queen for prince)
See it don't matter If you come from money
It don't matter if you're a star
It don't matter if you're a prince
Yer gonna have problems no matter who you are
Hell could be a wild vacation
Vegas on steroids and a crazy destination
Chuck the harps relax the dress codes
Electric guitars with all the comforts of home
Yes the ideas started flying thick and fast
Each new one was better than the last
Both of them feeling refreshed and revived
They had quite a lot in common and laughed at all the lies
(chorus - swapping prince for king)
See it don't matter If you come from money
It don't matter if you're a star
It don't matter if you're a king
Yer gonna have problems no matter who you are
Count on it
It's what you do about em that counts
Even if you are a Count
Or a King, or Stephen King
Queen Elizabeth or Prince
Think Sir Lancelot had it easy
Think again bub
Tough Gig
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2. |
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I woke up this morning
Could not believe my eyes
One helluva stange situation
Didn't know if I should laugh or to cry
You see
My blood was lime my hands were peach
My mind was blank and I screeched
The sky was green the sea was red
The trees were blue and I said
Someone's up to something new
It can't be me so it must be you
Let me cast the first stone
Let me cast the last
Let me cast suspicion on the dude in the looking glass
Let me cast the first stone
Let me cast the last
Let me cast suspicion on the dude in the looking glass
I looked up this morning
I took a good look around
But the world kept getting stranger
Hard to keep my feet on the ground
You see
The sun was pink
The grass was blue
The moon was gold same as you
Someone's up to something new
It can't be me so it must be you
Must be you
Must be you - ohh - ohh - ohh - ohh you
Let me cast the first stone
Let me cast the last
Let me cast suspicion on the dude in the looking glass
Let me cast the first stone
Let me cast the last
Let me cast suspicion on the dude in the looking glass
Break
Let me cast the first stone
Let me cast the last
Let me cast suspicion on the dude in the looking glass
Let me cast the first stone
Let me cast the last
Let me cast suspicion on the dude in the looking glass
My blood was lime my hands were peach
My mind was blank and I screeched
Someone's up to something new
It can't be me so it must be you
Must be you
Must be you
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3. |
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Biscuits and Honey - Wikiloops 806 Baer
I said hey
Whadayou say
Why don't we ask the milkman if he'd like to play
She said whoa
Whadaya know
So you think this is the way you'd like us to go
I said hi
Care for some pie
Coconut cream fantasies up in the sky
She said why
Don't mind if I do
Is this how they do it how they do it in Kalamazoo
I said wait
Don't slam the gate
I had a glimpse of the future and it can't wait
She said sonny
Don't try and be funny
Come on in to my parlour for biscuits and honey
Slow as molasses and subtle as sunrise
The universe is waiting to reveal another surprise
Sweet as sugar cane and tart as a codger's tongue
Cries of ecstasy mixed with tears when you've been stung
I said sure
But what is it for
Take all you want but you'll only want more
She said look
You eat what you cook
But stealing recipes don't make you a crook
I said wait
Don't slam the gate
I had a glimpse of the future and it can't wait
She said sonny
Don't try and be funny
Come on in to my parlour for biscuits and honey
The sky you know it ain't falling
But the world ain't gonna come calling
You can hide away in your corner
But you better not miss this warning
You may not have noticed that I am your hostess
The signs that are posted say keep off the grass
Wolves at the door
hounds on my heels
Ride like the wind
keep your foot on the gas
Slow as molasses and subtle as sunrise
The universe is waiting to reveal another surprise
Sweet as sugar cane and tart as a codger's tongue
Cries of ecstasy and tears when you've been stung
I said wait
Don't slam the gate
I had a glimpse of the future and it can't wait
She said sonny
Don't try and be funny
Come on in to my parlour come on in to my parlour for biscuits and honey
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We're marching down to Frisco
Wer'e marching down to Dallas
We're marching with our sisters
We're marching on the palace
We're marching off to Moscow
We're marching off to Paris
We're marching with our buddys
We'll calling on the sheriff
Everybody's got a voice
Dying to be heard
Everyody's got a voice
And some special words
The world is spinning faster than it ever should
Some carny huckster's selling you a hunk of plastic wood
Time to turn the tables
Time to spin the chairs
Time to walk a mile in someone else's shoes
Time to clear the air
Whatever do you mean that money can't buy happiness
Shower me with green and soon there'll be a mess
Yes a mess
Mess you up
Like this
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5. |
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Master Plan
Hey Mr. Man
Did you hear about the master plan
The critics say it's sketchy
But it's simple and it's sexy
It's so easy to misunderstand
Mr. Man
Hey Mr. Man
Here's the best part of my master plan
It's bumper sticker sized
Guaranteed to get a rise
Everyone will know just where you stand
Mr. Man
Never mind the details
No, never mind the stains
It comes out in the wash man
It's all in the refrain
Mr. Man
Hey Mr. Man
There's a reason that it's called a master plan
No need to read the book
All it takes is one quick look
Everybody knows just where we stand
Don't they, Mr. Man
Never mind the details
No, never mind the stains
It comes out in the wash man
It's all in the refrain
I know I know I know it's been a trial
A vile little pill you've had to swallow
I know I know i know it's been so hard
But now you got someone you can follow
Never mind the details
No, never mind the stains
It comes out in the wash man
It's all in the refrain
Hey Mr. Man
Folks are gonna love my master plan
We gonna make it better
We're gonna fix the weather
Things are taking shape across the land
Yes they are,
Mr. Man.
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6. |
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Keeping Score
You got a little secret
Well you got a little story
Everybody says a prayer
But no one's very sorry
You're down on your knees
And up on your button
Cain't ever have enough
If you come from nuthin
(chorus)
Someone's always keepin' score
They wanna see you pay
Someone's always keepin' score
And awaitin' judgment day
Someone's always keepin' score
They wanna see you pay
Someone's always keepin' score
And awaitin' judgment day
You're the toast of the town
You're the life of the party
You never turn down an invitation
To sit down and parlay
You know to keep em talking
How to make em feel important
And portraits of dead presidents
Well, it's good to have an assortment
Chorus
Bridge
And every single day you dream
Of life on a secret island
Where maybe you could getaway
And listen to the silence
Ooohooohooohooohhhhh
Break
An independent contractor
Looking for benefactors
You're watching your portfolio
And ignoring your detractors
Every man's the same
They all wanna be adored
The sex is always free
You charge for being bored
Chorus
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7. |
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You'd cut off your nose
To spite your face
Were your own worst enemy
Such a hard case
Nobody knows why you filed a flight plan
You cruised close to the sun no intention to land
Send me the deadscrolls send me the clues
Why don't you send me the cure
For the aeroplane blues
We mounted a rescue
Searched night and day
Combed the hills and the valleys and
Began to pray
Chorus
Searching the heavens
Watching the skies
Looking for signs or a glimmer
Waiting for your blue eyes
Chorus
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8. |
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When you gonna tell her all your secrets
When you gonna tell her what you did
When you gonna tell her where you keep it
And everything you do to keep it fed
If it ever comes to haunt you
How you gonna knock it on the head
If you led the horse to water
Tell me how it wound it up dead
Once upon a time it ran away
Once upon a time it hid
Once upon a time was long ago
Now all the lights are red
Everybody says you're gonna beat it
Everybody says you're gonna win
Everybody says you got the money
The devil's on the sidelines with a grin
Storm upon the ocean storm out on the sea
The storm raging in your head that no one ever sees
Storm upon the ocean storm out on the sea
That storm is going to claim you for eternity
Half the time you think you're gonna climb out
Half the time you know that you won't
Half the time you wanna scream out
Haven't got a clue how to cope
How do you think you're gonna quit it
When you can't miss a solitary lick
Do you really think that you could kill it
You better get yourself all cleaned up
You better get yourself a shill
You better make sure you're ready
Better update your will
Spoken like a man on the gallows
Spoken like a man in the chair
Spoken like a man at the bottom of a barrel
Someone cornered in his lair
Storm upon the ocean storm out on the sea
The storm raging in your head that no one ever sees
Storm upon the ocean storm out on the sea
That storm is going to claim you for eternity
All the pride and bitterness have made your life so dark
The world done you wrong left an ugly mark
Never would take advice walked your thorny path
Stewing in your juices building up your wrath
Does your momma wonder just where it all went wrong
When her precious birdy stopped singing out his song
Monkey screeching in your ear makes it hard to think
Sribble on the internet and stare while it blinks
Storm upon the ocean storm out on the sea
The storm raging in your head that no one ever sees
Storm upon the ocean storm out on the sea
That storm is going to claim you for eternity
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9. |
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... and the Shondells with my baby does the Hanky Panky. They say rock 'n roll is all about cowbells but SIRR must have misse the memo cause here they are celebrating the girls of rock and roll on your one and only good time station, WROK
Pretty pretty pretty pretty Peggy Sue
Don't you know I'm wild for you
Angie darlin now don't you cry
Ain't it time to dry your eyes
Can't forget my sexie sadie
She's all woman oh baby baby
Sweet Caroline
Ever since that day I've been inclined
(chorus)
All the girls of rock and roll
Stole my heart and warmed my soul
All the girls of rock and roll
Topped the charts on the radio
Bar bar bar bar barbara anne
Left me rockin and a reelin
For another man
Christina you're so sad
Looking for a knight like Sir Galahad
Lay down Sally you have dreams to sell
You're a witchy woman make me hot as hell
Jolene please don't take my man
M-m-my Sharona made me understand
Chorus
Break
Never forget never forget never forget oh no can't forget about them
Never forget never forget never forget oh no can't forget about them
Never forget never forget never forget oh no can't forget about them
Emma emma emma emily
She's the one on the silver screen
Mrs. Robinson and Maggie Mae
With their pretty pretty boys back in the day
G.L.O.R.I.A.
Back in your arms just yesterday
Michelle ma belle
You got me under your dark spell
Chorus
Here's ol Slowhand with Layla on R.O.C.K. forever)
Lay lay laylaylayla
Lay lay laylaylayla
Lay lay laylaylayla
Lay lay laylaylaylaaaahhhhhhhh (or you could do Lola)
Ahhh
Turn your radio up
Cecelia I'm down on my knees
Can't you see begging you please
Sweet Jane walked on the wild side
Lola hugged me tight nearly broke my spine
Roxanne don't put out the light
I'll rescue you and do you right
Billy Jean was the one
Moonwalked straight into the sun
Chorus
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10. |
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In my dreams it's always summer weather
In my dreams I'm bathed in sunlight
But life is very heavy
Full of taxes, fees and levies
Time to take a ride
In the chevy that's inside
Chorus
Hey mind rider
Riding high
Hey mind rider
Riding to the sky
In my dreams things are always better
In my dreams thing are always right
But life ain't always easy
Full of stuff to make you queasy
Time to take a ride
Upon the wave that's in my mind
Chorus
In my dreams I'm lighter than a feather
In my dreams it never turns to night
But life will serve up trouble
Bury dreams in tons of rubble
Time to take a ride
On the rocket in my mind
Break
Chorus
Repeat 3rd Verse
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11. |
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Shame Game
Boom chaka laka
Ticky boom tikcy taka
Taka boom diggy daka
Shicky lucka la
Saw my wonder woman a stridin' down the lane
Smile on her face and her eyes like sugar cane
Mister mister you look like a fella hella
Kinda like a swell gorilla
Kinda like a cindarella bella
On a chain gang a lang a dang a
Hang a looka shame game
She was rock n rolla
Gender bender feather boa
With a fondness for canola
Kinda girl you want to know ya
Like a mint in Coca-cola
Gotta be your Krakatoa
Whooo who
Whooo who who yeah
Whooo who
Whooo who who yeah
she was sugar sweet as candy
running cross a beach so sandy
took a look at all that shook
and gotta say she wrote the book
The friday drive in creature feature
Reach your hands around her shoulder
Hold her close her mama told her
Winter would be so much colder
Wham bama lama maam
Hungry like a cana spam
Show me your best laid plan
Use the whipcream in a can
Kiss her kiss her she look like a yummy mommy
Stumble on a ton a funny money
On a chain gang a lang a dang a
Hang a looka shame game
She's eclectic and electric
Energetic and a sceptic
Lives a life so very hectic
Opposite of antiseptic
But she's awful if you waffle
You can't stop her she ain't lawful
Whooo who
Whooo who who yeah
Whooo who
Whooo who who yeah
She's a dose of double trouble
Burn the lens right off of Hubble
Leave the boys in piles of rubble
Damaged dazed and three days stubble
Single fella accapella
Knuckle draggin dumb gorrilla
Party game that ain't vanilla
She's my hun just not not Attila
If you're willing and you're able
Place your cards upon the table
Just three legs and not so stable
Scratch the truth and find a fable
Fix her fix her you sound like a bossa nova
kinda man to come on ova
On a chain gang a lang a dang a
Hang a looka shame game
The colonel's in the kitchin bitchin
Itchin like I shoulda mentioned how I revel
in your devilry
Think I need the calvary
Whooo who
Whooo who who yeah
Whooo who
Whooo who who yeah
Sister sister you know I'm a mello cello
Kinda like a marshmallow
And Imma gonna bellow
Like a bull ina bordello
Scared so bad it runs down yellow
Put my head under my pillow
A wicked ticket to a white picket
prick it lick it crawl through the thicket
Told me shove it and to stick it
Where the sun don't shine
Tells me she's a friend of mine
I am reeling cause I'm feeling
Like I'm peeling off the ceiling
All this wheeling dealing
Got me jumpy like I'm stealing
I'm confessing then I'm kneeling
It's my fate that I am sealing
There's no tellin what she's selling
What's she putting in my melon
Looking like a felony
Baby's put a spell on me
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12. |
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Crime of the week
Tears running down your cheeks
Crime of the week
Forgot to wipe my feet
Crime of the week
I didn't put down the toilet seat
Crime of the week
I don't know why it's so hard to get along
But ev-er-y thing I do turns out so wrong
The cap's off the toothpaste my clothes on the floor
And the look in your eyes says its the third world war
Chorus
I am a king on a couch in my palace
A felon convicted no forethought of malice
Dare I sip from the marital chalice
It's you asking me how I can be so calloused
Chorus
There's peace on a Sunday then along waltzes Monday
Next thing I know I land on the blues day
I crawl over hump day to find that its thirst day
Then what should be best turns into the worst day
I am a petty criminal
I am a petty criminal
An ordinary grifter
A common shoplifter
I am a petty criminal
All these petty crimes of mine lack ambition
All these petty crimes of mine on the road to perdition
Crime of the week
I stole the lunch money
Crime of the week
And the paper was funny
Crime of the week
Caught my hand in the jar
Crime of the week
Drown my sorrows at the bar
Crime of the week
Live hang in the balance
Crime of the week
Let me tell you what hell is
Crime of the week
I'm a person of interest
Crime of the week
I'm called to the inquest
Crime of the week
Must be some kind of record
Crime of the week
I'm a relationship wrecker
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13. |
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Gawdawful Blues
Sunny, you were funny
Soon to be my honey bee
Forever
We're together
In fairweather
We were fools
Then came the rain
And those gawdawful blues
You were pretty, In the city
My lovely honey bee
In the clover
We rolled over
No clues
Then came the rain
And those gawdawful blues
What do you have to say for yourself
One fallen angel and a boy down in hell
Want to fly
In the skies
Of your eyes
Our love soured
A wilted flower
Out of power
And I lose
Then came the rain
And those godawful blues
The tides
Of the heart
Flow from sweet
Ebb to tart
Pulls us under
Distant thunder
Don'ts and dos
Then came the rain
And those gawdawful blues
What do you have to say for yourself
One fallen angel and a boy down in hell
I'm supposed to rise from this mess
Leave you behind it's all for the best
I confess
Get the press
I'm a mess
What am I gonna do
I can't stand losing you
Then came the rain
And those gawdawful blues
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14. |
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Simonymous 84344
Chinese checkers come from a foreign land
Just another immigrant like Settlers of Catan
A hard Scrabble life and a Checkered past
A Risk you're forced to take when they're speaking Balderdash
Everybody's Sorry say there's Trouble in the country
Speak like they're nothing but a Barrel Full of Monkeys
Mean Mr. Mustard roars we need to get a Clue
Be orange like him or they'll flush you down the Chutes
We've landed on history in Trivial Pursuit
Yes it was the Mayflower now others follow suit
All those houses and hotels in your Monopoly
The Scattergory is those that clean our properties
The name of the game is called who got here first
Mother may we keep them out protect the public purse
The irony's not lost on any of the natives
Shaking hands will fail if you're playing Operation
The Mastermind brags he's playing Yahtzee
Sink his Battleship before he lands his Nazis
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15. |
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16. |
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The clouds are floating overhead
Marshmallows in the sky
The grass is green the water blue
The world's a cherry pie
Make your art my mama said
Don't waste it on the road
Always keep an open heart
Don't let your bed grow cold
Stay out of the shadows
Walk out in the sun
Stay out of the shadows, dear
The sun is for the young
Stay out of the shadows
They'll catch you when you're old
Stay out of the shadows, honey
Stay out of the bitter cold
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17. |
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18. |
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Drove myself to Tims and waited for my double double
In the rearview mirror surprised at all that frosted stubble
We used to play road hockey you were Gretz I was Lemieux
Now my back is wonkey and we've both put on a few
Come on little brother why don't we grab our fishing poles
Come on little brother why don't we grab our fishing poles
Come on little brother let's say we grab our fishing poles
Come on little brother let's get down to our fishing hole
It's coming round coming round coming round the corner for you
Wake up every morning every morning there's a story to it
Coming round coming round coming round the corner for you
Every morning every morning every morning holds you to it
Stuck in rush hour traffic I'll be late for work again
Dawdlers dog the fast lane can't wait for the weekend
What say we get together we'll hoist ourselves a few
Play some tabletop you be Gretz cause I'm Lenieux
Come on little brother why don't we grab our fishing poles
Come on little brother why don't we grab our fishing poles
Come on little brother let's say we grab our fishing poles
Come on little brother let's get down to our fishing hole
It's coming round coming round coming round the corner for you
Wake up every morning every morning there's a story to it
Coming round coming round coming round the corner for you
Every morning every morning every morning holds you to it
We had all the cool hotwheels we raced our minibikes
Super slider snowskates and a simple kind of life
All those hockey cards we knew how to make a trade
We'd make a lot of money take it easy in the shade
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19. |
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I couldn't give a good god damn
I'll bite the hand that feeds me and you'll never understand
I'm a prickly personality carving my own path
Never made a lick of sense can never do the math
I get on up while you get down
I get on up and then I get around
I get on up while you get down
I get on up and then I get around
I'm a puzzle an enigma a walking contradiction
A buzzsaw tornado the source of all this friction
You can't chain me up can't keep me in your prison
I'm the shiver I'm the thrill I'm the thing that you've been missin
I get on up while you get down
I get on up and then I get around
I get on up while you get down
I get on up and then I get around
Break/Bridge
I'm a real hard thinking son of a gun
Whistling past my grave always on the run
I'm a rebel I'm a loner I'm a Russian cosmonaut
I'm a dagger the stilletto I'm a complicated knot
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20. |
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This is how it is
You think you got me cornered
You're striking up the match
But I'm climbing up my ladder
And crawling out the hatch
I'm lonely
said I'm lonely
I'm my one and only
But I'm looking for two
I've been out wandering
I've been looking around
You know hope spring eternal
But misery abounds
My time it grows shorter
And my shadow grows long
As nighttime draws closer
I sing you this song
The stars fade away
Along with the sun
The earth is much colder
(And I'm still on the run)
I'm lonely
Said I'm so lonely
I'm my one and only
But I'm looking for two
I got away
I got away
I had to go
I got away
I got away
Now I'm alone
So I'm walking this world
In perpetual shade
And collect all the coins
That ever were made
I poke through the rubble
I stroll past the graves
I nurse these old wounds
Pretend that I'm brave
And all the dark matter
And all the black holes
Could never come close
To what's down in my soul
I'm lonely
I'm so goddam blue
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21. |
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I can never stop
Oh, I can never stop
Thinking bout the past
The great times that we had but man they went so fast
I can never stop
Thinking bout what wuz
Thinking bout our glory days and how it was a buzz
I can never stop
Dreaming bout those times
Traveling to the island and feeling oh so fine
I can never stop
Musing on those days
All the laughs we had and the games of Pit we played
Chorus
I'm gonna tell you a bedtime story
I'm gonna tell you it's okay
I'm gonna tell you a bedtime story
I'm gonna tell you a fairy tale
My mind is on the fritz
My mind is on the fritz
A barrage a flood a blitz
When I wake up from my dream that's when it hits
Those days were oh so fine
What we did would always rhyme
I look back on the good times when the sun would always shine
Oh those days of yore
Have become the stuff of lore
I see them in the rearview but I'm wishing there was more
Yeah what times we had
Sweet memories can be sad
Thinking back to how we were I'll give my eyes a dab
Chorus
I'm gonna tell you a bedtime story
I'm gonna tell you it's okay
I'm gonna tell you a bedtime story
I'm gonna tell you a fairy tale
Bedtime story
Bedtime fairy tale
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released September 14, 2017